For your amusement – search terms

Ever wonder how people find you on the interwebs? Well, sometimes they type weird shit into a search engine and hit Go and somehow some bizarre connection is made to bring them to your teensy blip of an online home.

Thanks to my site stats, I know that a lot of folks Goo.gle glitter and/or rainbows in conjunction with a ton of other word combinations. I also get infertility (“Insurance coverage for infertility sucks”) and crafty (“cutting felt”) referrals. These I can understand.

But, for your amusement, Here are some of the more WTF search terms that actually led someone to click on this here blog:

“Naughty little constitution miscellaneuos, he he he!

Small thing sculpture cray

Glitter deviled eggs

Bitter lonely childless feminist cat ladies

Bitter feminist childless cat ladies

I shit glitter and rainbows

Hat made of fruit

Glitter panties

Can i get mu felopian tubes unstuffed

I am on the toilet i can let him out

Glitter on by surgery

Does shit glitter work”

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Happies in my mailbox

Several days ago, while recovering from a seriously uncool stomach virus, finding a little package in my mailbox just made my day. It was from my Secret Santa in the Arkansas Women Bloggers Handmade Ornament Exchange.

My crafty friend turned out to be ‘Kelly Jo’ at Delta Moxie from waaaayyyyyy on the other end of the state (seriously, we’re about as far away as we could be). Here’s what she sent me.

A pretty little bundle with a sweet note tied up inside…
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… that contained these 2 cute ornaments. Here’s the front…
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… and here’s the back of the ornaments.
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I love them, and I thought it was especially neat that she personalized one with my blog name. So, thanks a bunch, Kelly Jo, for these pretties!

I sent ornaments to Simple Words By A. You can read what she thought about them here.

Y’all can go check out all the other cool handmade ornaments that have crossed the state in the last week by going here and checking out all the link-ups.

ThanksBlogging: I’m thankful for…

  • Honey Bear
  • Good and Naughty kitties
  • My house
  • My friends, especially AlliG, who knows when I need to hear “I love you” at 2 a.m.
  • My Neffie, and my Sissy, who let me see Neffie being born, and the rest of my family
  • My fantastic goddaughter and her fantastic mother
  • Mine and Honey Bear’s jobs that pay our bills and allow us to have many seemingly basic things that others do not have
  • The opportunity to have 4 IUIs, despite them all failing
  • Good books
  • Good coffee
  • Arts and crafts
  • Taekwondo
  • The interwebs for giving me blogs and bloggy friends
  • The people I serve lunch to at the community center and my fellow volunteers
  • Homemade strawberry pie and wheat bread
  • SSRIs
  • Electric blankets

Now I’m paranoid about cleaning my toilet

My cat is obsessed with the toilet brush. You guessed it, we’re talking about Naughty Kitty here.

For years he barely paid it any notice. I kept it in the corner behind the toilet, in a little caddy with the opening for the brush turned toward the wall. He knew it was there, but just ignored it.

Then one day earlier this year he apparently discovered how awesome it was and fell in love with it.

At first I’d find it slightly moved, with the brush turned outward. Then I started to find it in the middle of the bathroom, lying on the floor. After I found the brush removed from the caddy, I started hiding it.

I stashed the caddy and brush in the cabinet under the sink. I thought, Out of sight, out of mind. Soon he’ll forget about it and I can casually set it back behind the toilet one day and he’ll never notice. It didn’t work out like that.

The cat learned to open the cabinet door. He breaks in to spend time with his toilet brush. Just let that sink in for a minute. …

Several times I’ve caught him in the act, crouching in the dark cabinet rubbing his face on the toilet brush. Most times I just see the evidence. I come home from work, the cabinet is open, the brush is missing a few more bristles. I get up in the morning and find that he couldn’t make it through the night without a toilet-brush fix.

Is there a meeting I can send him to? Are there 12 Steps To Recovering From Your Toilet Brush Obsession? “Hi, I’m Naughty Kitty, and I have a problem.”

Now, I’m paranoid about cleaning the toilet. I don’t want him to ingest any cleaning chemicals. I’m rinsing the brush, but I feel like I’m going to have to switch to a disposable cleaning system and cut the cat off from his brush. I fear the withdrawal is going to be rough for him. Bless his weird, naughty little heart.

Commercials I’d Like to See

As I was mentally calculating how many paper towels I would need to tackle a heap of cat puke the other day, I started thinking about commercials that would really make me want to buy a product.

My Good Kitty frequently leaves me these gifts of vomit, sometimes caused by hairballs but more often caused by complications from her kidney disease. They are quite often what I call multi-sheeters.

I reeled off about 9 paper towels and was staring into the abyss that was 2 types of semi-digested food and a piece of a Snickers wrapper. I was thinking, I screw those commercials with the little kid who has spilled an ounce of juice, uh-oh!, and mommy comes by to save the day by using ONLY ONE PAPER TOWEL, WHAT A MIRACLE!

I’d be more impressed if I saw a commercial that started out with a zoomed-in shot of a big pile of barf and ended with a product that only required 1 sheet to deal with it.

It’d be like reality TV, with the actual reality included.

Other commercials I could appreciate:

  • projectile-baby-vomit and diaper blowouts (and products that would fix/contain that)
  • PMS and/or menopause medication ads that include images of crying in the shower or throwing shit at your significant other
  • period commercials that show ladies moping on the couch clutching their abdomen and chocolate bars, not jumping around for joy or wearing white skinny jeans
  • coffee advertisements depicting people with bed-head, bags and dark circles under the eyes, wearing old t-shirts and shorts and struggling to roll out from under the covers — you know, people who actually NEED coffee — not fake humanoids excited about getting out of bed, stretching lightly, well rested  in their ironed flannel pjs with perfectly styled hairdos.

What more realistic commercials would you like to see?